You Can't Do That in the House of the Lord.....or so they say...

This weekend was just drama and action packed....sweet Jesus.
Let me first start with the choir conspiracy of 2007. I was talking to Rev and I was just wondering out loud what was going to happen to rehearsal since our musician cancelled rehersal on Tuesday and we had to sing that Sunday and we had a Pastoral Installation service to sing for(oh there is a story there just wait for it..). Well Rev, who I might add doesn't even attend my church, tells me, "Y'all are having rehearsal on Saturday at 12." WTF?!?!?!? How does he know and I don't? Well, Miss T from our choir director(and his home girl) told him, I guess to tell me. I went slam off. When in the hell was Nevada going to call and tell me? Mind you, Rev knew on Wednesday and the day was Thursday. I waited, I waited, I waited on that phone call and it never came. I just showed my ass up on Saturday like, "Yeeeeahhhh thought y'all were gonna oust me!" But in a side note, Miss Luann and First Lady Sr.(I would like to think of myself as First Lady Jr.) had not heard about it either. It turns out Nevada was in charge of calling everyone and suspiciously EVERYONE'S answering machine or voicemail was malfunctioning that day, because no one got a message *side eye*. Once all that was straightened out, we got down into rehearsal. We had the type of rehearsal that I have been praying to God for since I joined the choir. It is my belief that you cannot learn a song and sing it with precision in 30 minutes. Some people can, but the majority cannot. We started at 1230(Black people, we must do better) and ended at 230pm. And you know what? We sounded cute, fabulous and wonderful on Sunday. There were some rough spots, but we sang with enthusiasm and confidence.
Later that night was the comedy show at the church. Oh you heard me right, a comedy show with Cortney Gee. I can tell you right now, that I have seen Cortney Gee on Comic View and I knew that this was not going to be a good look. Where I live most people haven't even to Virginia(real talk). They talk about Virginia like it's 5 hour away. It's only 45 minutes to and hour. The show started off OK, then the jokes about trying to be celibate and masturbation as relief(ain't nothing wrong with some getting to know 'me' time....your hand or jackrabbit can't get you pregnant or give you herpes), so on and so forth. He must have forgotten he was a) In a church b) In a room with a majority of older women. Needless to say, there weren't a lot of rave reviews on Sunday morning. That will probably be the last time we get to do anything 'non-traditional' at church. Grand opening, grand closing.
As I mentioned before, Sunday the choir traveled to Windsor, NC to witness one of our former associate ministers installation service as Pastor to a church. The whole plan all month long was for Mama and I to ride together. If you reference my previous blog when we went to see Tramaine Hawkins, I should have politely said no and rode with Rev. I thought this time I couldn't fail because I was not going to use GPS, just straight up Map Quest. I printed them up the night before and I made sure that she saw me put them in the glove compartment, lest I forget them and be accused of ruining her whole day on purpose. We leave the church, and go to Hardee's. In Hardee's she accuses me of rushing her and in the car she starts all this foolishness about Rev having a wife on the side(don't project your real life on me lady!). So in all this tirade, she misses the turn(she wasn't listening or paying attention). I tell her she's going the wrong way, this bitch straight up bust a U-way in the middle of the street. Then she hits the gas and goes from 0-50 in a matter of seconds almost hitting the Yukon in front of us. I told her to let my ass out right now, if she was going to act like that. I have my child in the car and we are not going to meet our deaths over a dumb ass wrong right turn. Her and my Daddy may be into acting crazy like that with each other, but I am not for the bull. So she tells me to get myself and my muthaflucking baby out of her car *gasp, shock, horror*. She continues what I like to call the "crazy mode" until I tell her just drop me off at the upcoming Wal-mart and I will call Rev(what I should have done all along) and have him come get me and Miss Beasley. So she swings in to the Wally World parking lot and deposits me and my child in the parking lot, car seat and all. Crazy Bus, pulls off and it's just Miss Beasley(who is looking so confused) and myself standing in an empty parking lot. As God as my witness Mama and I will ALWAYS,ALWAYS,ALWAYS, drive separate cars. Twice was enough for me. Rev picked me and Miss Beasley up and we got to the service in about an hour.

The service was nice, they seem to love Rev. Riverside. For the first time in the history of us dating, Rev was not on the organ. They asked, oh you know they asked but he declined(now if he can get some back bone when it comes to Pastor Say-anything-out-my-mouth, he'd be alright...). My Pastor preached the service and in the middle of all the hoopin' and hollering (I finally know what the phrase is all about), I realized that my Pastor doesn't teach the text or tie it in with daily living. He just gathers a bunch of 'preacher catch phrases' and says those. Some of his hits include:

• "For God I live and for God I die"
• "Be not dismayed whatever be tried...God will take care of you..( will admit I fell out a couple of times on that one)
• "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy...I said...joy comes in the morning. Anybody ever cried all night, pillow wet with tears?"
• "I have two angels that travel with me all the days of my life....Goodness.....and.....Mercy"

There are more, but I realized all of this sermons contain about two paragraphs full of those. Jesus wept. That's why you have to be careful on who you pick as your spiritual covering. I know two other preachers, these two fools read directly from a piece of paper(got the never to have it typed up and in report folders to boot). There is nothing wrong with note cards but don't give me your Bible book report. Be Blessed!