Love is a Losing Game......

Rev has decided to get a second job. Good for him, I guess. I don't know how I exactly feel about that. I am sitting here at my job bored as all get out. I went to the gym last night and I took a class called Resist-a-Ball. I have been waiting for months to take this class because it is always later in the evening and since I was getting off work earlier I was not going to stick around just for one class. I am a get-in-get-out of the gym kinda girl. Anywhoo, that class is NO JOKE! I was thinking it would be a little mamsy pamsy because it was just working with the ball, but I was dead wrong. My hips and abs are sore as all get out. That is a good thing because I don't really feel like I have worked out until I am so sore that I can't move. That let's me know I am working something. Tonight I am going to boogie down in this new Hip Hop Dance class. I can only imagine what it is going to be like. You know I am going to have a story to tell.
I talked to my sister last night. She broke up with her boyfriend....again. We will see how long this last. Honestly, I think this is the last time but, I thought it was the last time when she caught him with the girl from the Czech Republic. That's the funny thing about breaking up. How many times have we heard stories of what some man did, and responding how we would never put up with that and why is she still with him, but when the time comes and we are faced with the same situation we can't walk away that easy too? I know I always said I would NEVER stay with someone who was verbally abusive. I always thought you had to be SUPER STUPID to let yourself fall in to that trap. Well, whaddayaknow, I stayed with Ron Mexico for a year when it was clear that this brother liked to say what he wanted to me, when he wanted. But the flip side of that was I never really got in his ass for saying some of the stuff he said. I just sat there docile and timid, afraid to say anything because I was afraid of losing him and being lonely(ha!). I taught him how to treat me. So both of us shared equal blame, I should have had more of a backbone, and he shouldn't have talked to me the way he did.
A lot of Rev's friends say I am aggressive and I treat him like a child. I can be a little sassy sometimes, but I think that is just something that was built into me from the Ron Mexico era. Ron treated me so poorly that I made up my mind the next go round, I wasn't having it. I was going to run the ship and dayummit let the man swab the deck. This is my show! But I am learning that since I am getting ready to enter a marriage with this wonderful man, I have to let him be just that-- a man. I was listening to a radio ministry program last night, it was a husband and wife and the wife was talking about how she had move out of the "I" and get into the "we". Moving into the "we" was a big stress reliever for her when she was going through something, because she knew she wasn't alone. I just need to let my defenses down. I cannot live the rest of my life in a marriage where I constantly running defense. That is no way to live. I have been hanging around a lot of older married couples and I think that is ruining my perception a little bit. Most of them are angry at their husbands(for whatever reason) or they are just in a catatonic state when it comes to their marriage--just going through the motions. This rubs off on my sometimes because I find myself mad at Rev for no reason. In order for us to make it we have to stay in our own lane and run the race that God has for us. Be Blessed!