I Feel Like Going On....

Last night was choir 'hersal. I don't even know where to begin. First, Nevada and Ronald were there, of course looking to get some mess started. Last week we agreed that we were going to open up with the Black National Anthem. Well, Rev played it on the organ this time versus the Clarinova, and all hell broke loose. Nevada started complaining that he was playing it too fast and it wasn't in the key he played it in last time. This is all code for her hindparts doesn't know how to sing this is the only person I know that claims they sing soprana(yes...soprana...that's how she says it), alta(yup!), and tenor. WTF???? So her and Rev got into it about singing the second verse. She felt is wasn't necessary. She was sure to let us all know that she had been singing this song for 50 years. Tell me this then Miss New Toofus....why aren't you able to sing the second verse...really, why are you reading the words out of the hymnal? Keeping the lie alive. As we move on to sing "Grateful" all hell breaks loose again about us not having words. Rev tells Nevada and Ronald if they can't remember some simple words to a song then they need to excuse themselves from the choir. Ouch. I don't have a problem with passing out words but dayum man....it looks extra tacky in the choir box when we are clearly reading the words from a sheet of paper. Why even bother coming to rehearsal, just pass out words and go for it.
I am getting tired of my church family. I love 'em to death, but they are backwards as all get out. In 2007, I made a resolution that I would seek the Lord in all that I do and anything I do will be for the Lord. My church is making that hard. I can't even worship comfortably because I go to a church were the majority show up for two reasons: 1) They have an axe to grind with someone and they want to be someplace were they can make sure that person sees them 2) It's tradition and that's that. All of that animosity messes with the spirit of the church and it makes it hard to praise and worship God. Effectively immediately, I will in attendance at Rev's home church in Chesapeake. I will be going to my church when the spirit of the Lord convicts me to. Until then I am taking myself and my child somewhere else.
I got an e-mail from one of my best friends this afternoon. We haven't talked in a minute and I was overjoyed to hear from her. She has started going to church and has the Lord in her life. If you would have told me a year ago either of our lives would have gone that way, I would have probably laughed at you whilst blowing some MJ smoke in your face. God is good.

Monday Product Review!!!!

Friday night was "big" hair washing night. I do co-wash two other times during the week (Monday and Wednesday), but Friday is the grandaddy of all the nights. My regimen consist of:

• Co-washing: I wash with either Silk Elements Cholesterol or Herbal Essence Hello Hydration(product review below).
• Protein Treatment: I use Aphogee 2 minute keratin reconstructor.
• Moisturizing Conditioner: My hair is loving Silk Elements Moisturizing Treatment. I mix this with pure Castor oil and olive oil and slap a conditioning cap on.
• Hot Oil: I only do this depending on how dry my hair feels...I use Queen Helene Jojoba hot oil treatment. This has been great in cutting down in my breakage.

Then I roller set my hair and let dry for 45 mins-1hr, and voila! My hair is done!

This Friday I added three new products to the family.

• Herbal Essence Hello Hydration Conditioner

My sister Helen Van Patten-Patterson-Page called me at 9:00am on Thursday to tell me about this product. She had to do her hair in a rush and used this to wash with and had wonderful results. She recommended the conditioner for me since I co-wash. Hello Hydration is made with coconut milk and lilac. I have read on the hair board that I visit that coconut milk is good for hydration. The product smelled good and came in a pretty bottle(I am a sucker for pretty bottles).

The verdict: It smelled VERY good, and it softened my hair some. Hello Hydration did it's job, but it did not leave my hair as silky as my Cholesterol conditioner. I will probably only use this as an alternate.

Update: This product left my hair dry as a chip after co-washing...into the trash it goes......

• Silk Elements Moisturizing Conditioner

Before I give the review I must admit that I did leave this conditioner on for a LONG time before rinsing out. Long, like 3 hours. A big no-no. This product has a nice smell and is not greasy. After removing the cap, my hair rinsed easily, but when it came time for my roller set, my hair was a little hard, which leads me to believe there's a little bit of protein in this conditioner. However, I did leave it on for three hours, so that played a factor.

The Verdict: This one is definitely a keeper. The next time I will not leave it on as long and I will mix it with some oils(Castor and olive).

• Castor Oil

I have been hearing about this as a favorite on the hair board as well for thickening up your hair. I was more than curious because I hate when my hair grows and my ends are darn near see through, and my hair seems thin(not balding thin, just....thin). I simply used this as a sealant with my ORS Olive Oil Moisturizing Lotion.

The Verdict: Love it!!!!! I could tell the difference in my ends already and it has given my hair great shine. Its also a thicker oil so it has sealed better. Welcome to the Fam, Castor Oil!

This Friday, I will be trying out setting lotions and foam wrap lotions. I'll keep you posted!

Eddie Cane Jr., Crack Pennies, and Coinstar

Well, I am back after bloggers self-imposed maintenance. Tuesday was something else. If you refer to my previous post about S-curl, I was going to try it to keep my new growth soft while I try to stretch my relaxer. Disastrous. On Monday night before I went to bed, I was having a little problem wrapping my hair due to my new growth. Of course, I break out the Soul-Glo and begin spraying away on my new growth. This allowed me to wrap my hair, but I was going to pay for that in the morning. Fast forward to Tuesday morning. I get up and try to unwrap my hair. Wet. As. Hell. I had to coerce my hair out of a wrap and when it was all uncombed I looked like one of the two: 1) A drowned rat 2) Eddie Cane Jr. in the part of the Five Heartbeats when he has fallen off and is singing "Nights Like This" in the parking lot. I tried to fix it the best I could by bumping the ends under....hell, I though maybe I could fry off some of the grease. I still looked like hell. So all day my hair looked like someone who had a Jheri curl that the curls fell out of. I spent all day camped out in my office.
When I got off work I still had to go to choir 'hersal. I went by Rev's job first and of course he said. "You look good Bay". Yeah right. Keep the lie alive. But I noticed he changed his tune when I told him to feel my hair. He got this smile on his face that just said it all. I had let my Soul-Glo. I told him I was totally wearing a hat to 'hersal. So we stop by the house and I throw on my fatigue hat and away we go. 'Hersal went good we learned a new song by Hezekiah Walker called "Grateful". If you really sing it from your heart and know what it is like to be grateful for all the trials He has brought you through.....you can only imagine. Let me backtrack a minute from this point. When we go to the house to pick up the fatigue hat, I expressed the need to get some money from "The Penny Jar" I could discreetly take to one of the FOUR Coinstar machines that they have in Elizabeth City. As sisters tank was on E to the third power and I needed that money so I could get to work the next day. After rehearsal we go to the new Farm Fresh to use the Coinstar machine. Mind, you I have on a fatigue hat with wet faux Jheri curl hair and I am carrying around a gallon Ziploc bag of pennies. Jesus wept. When I go inside, I see the sign saying the maching is out of order. WTF???? They just got it like 3 weeks ago. So Rev and I move on to the Food Lion across the street (why is there a Farm Fresh and a Food Lion across from each other???). When we get there, I get out holding my crack pennies and all and this time there is NO Coinstar there. We regroup and we go to the other Food Lion which is down the street (yeah, I don't get that either) and I am standing in front of the coinstar machine holding my pennies reading a screen that says the machine need Managerial assistance. Now, when I came in there was this employee who saw me and she called for a manager. The manager came alright....came to help her ass on the register. So I take my hindparts over to the Customer Service desk and the same girl tells me, "That machine ain't workin'". I am looking at her like, "Bitch(yes the First Lady said bitch....I'm still saved) you couldn't tell me that when I was standing in front of the Coinstar???" So with what little dignity I left and got back in the car and began telling Rev I have lost all my dignity. (singing) Will I lose my dignity....Will someone care? After letting go of my pride (my dignity was already gone so what else was there to lose?) I let Rev give me 20 dollars and we went to the Chinese food buffet. It was there that I proceeded to eat my feelings. General Tso's chicken would never strip you of your dignity.

Choir 'Hersal, Lies and Deceit...........

I tell yah.....no matter how far I have gotten ahead.....never mind....boys lie....remember that. It will be important later on in the post.

Well last night was choir rehearsal. When I got there, Nevada was sitting on the Deacon's pew, wide as all outside, holding court. I say my hellos, and then it started

Nevada: I need your number. I was going to call you and see if you had quit the choir and gave up your position.

Me: (giving her the evil side eye)

Hoe, please. Your ass didn't come to like 50-11 rehearsals and I didn't ask you if you quit. She irritates me to no end. So the choir discussed the fundraising requirements this year(they ain't having it) and color options for the Sundays we sing. I am sure you are asking where all the singing was in this. There. Was. None. Why? The musician FORGOT that he needed to come to 'hersal. Well actually its just a speculation that he forgot, the man never answered his phone. Que Serra, Serra.

A couple of months ago my fiance (who will be from this posting going forward will be know as "Rev"...'cuz that's what he is) asked my opinion on getting a laptop. Now something you must know is Rev is as green as the grass on a summer day. At times I swear you can just tell him anything. He is the type of person who believes in those checks that they send you for like 50,ooo dollars. Typical conversation:

Rev: (excited as hell) Bay, I got a check in the mail for $50,000!!

Me:(rolling my eyes) Rev, that is junk mail.....throw it away....

Rev: No it's not....its a real check!

Me:(thinking to myself) Next thing you know his ass will come home with magic beans....

I mean anything you name....if there is someone you want to scam....this is your man. So I advised him if he wanted a laptop, just save for it or get it around tax time because we are trying to buy a house in the upcoming weeks so no new debt would be really helpful. Well, he calls me a few weeks later and tells me that his uncle is going to "give" him a laptop and it was going to come via UPS in a couple of days. Now this is were the skeptic in me got the working.....

1. Why would your uncle who you just happened to see at your son's b-day party (which I wasn't allowed to come to.....another story for another day) offer to "give" you a laptop?

2. Why is your uncle, who I assumes lives in your neighborhood, UPS you a laptop that he is giving you?

But I thought to myself of course this all makes sense....this is Rev we're talking about. Well, I was in Rev's car this weekend and because he lacks any kind of order when it comes to his important papers....I saw a letter from QVC (ya'll see where this is going) on the floor. It was thanking him for opening up an account and listed the laptop he currently owned the amount it cost and the amount he was expected to pay monthly. I asked him about it and he claimed I didn't know what I was talking about...uh huh. Fast forward to this morning, I ask him for the 3rd time about the laptop. Finally in Jim Bakker (ya'll remember my stick man from PTL) fashion, he breaks down and tells me that his "uncle" (yes, that goes in quotes now because I don't even think that uncle exist) is going to pay two payment and he's going to pay the last 2 two. Lies, lies, lies. I should have just stayed with baby daddy. At least I knew he was lying 80 percent of the time. This just threw me for a loop, because I swear I told Rev when we started dating that I DESPISE LIARS! He claims he didn't tell me because he didn't want to hear me fuss about spending money. You dayum real I was going to fuss. I am trying to secure our future, somewhere for us to live when we get married and his ass is out here screwing it up! Did I get engaged to Gregory Page (my dad) or what? Who knows what the hell else he's lying about. He probably didn't get his babymomma's car off his credit either...I don't remember him going to Grandy for that transaction. But we are applying for this house in about two weeks and if I find out its not off there......everything he owns in a box to the left......if I wanted to be lied to I would have stayed with Baby daddy, Ron Mexico or Big B. But I wanted something different....and look, I got the same.....Negros (shaking my head in disgust).

S-curl, Wedding Receptions, and Choir 'Hersal

Well, last night I went to Power Praise excercise class. Of course, held at church. We had a good time. I may actually start really working out again seriously. I think I have gotten discouraged because I am doing a little thing called "stretching" my relaxer. Instead of relaxing every 6-8 weeks I am going to stretch for 3 months....yeah....I know. But suprisingly my hair doesn't look the absolute foolywang(courtesy of YBF), because I wash with conditioner instead of regular shampoo. The conditioner keeps that new growth soft. I was reading that you can use S-curl to soften the new growth, but I keep hearing the theme to Soul-Glo in the background everytime I think of using it.But at any rate, it feels good to finally have a excercise regimine down pat.

Weight watchers is a b*tch. It has made me aware however, that I really eat entirely too much. I am not a big girl by any means, but I really don't need to eat all that I do. Most of the times I am not even that hungry. I just eat out of bordem. But luckily, being on this lifestyle has got me drinking more water than I ever have.

I have decided to change up the direction that I am going with my wedding. Yes, of course I consulted with dear fiance. I got the lecture of a life time about my "excecutive decisions". But to be honest some women could benefit from making an "excecutive decision" or two.....keep from being a doormat. But in any case, I am scrapping 2 things:

1. Tiffany Blue Inspired Theme

Its just too hard to try to match this. I am not Toni Braxton,

nor do I have her money. The flowers were the reason this was

not going to work.

2. The Menu

It was just entirely too much going on. Plus, I decided, "Why in the

"hell am I breaking my neck and wallet to feed all these negros?"

We will be having heavy h'orderves. If folks don't like it, McDonals

is down the way!

I have to put my foot down somewhere. Fiance and I trying to buy a house and to be honest, a wedding is only one day out of all my life. I can really live in my house all of that life. Plus I have seen too many people go for broke when it came to the wedding and they are just as unhappy....but that's another story for another day.

Tonight is choir rehersal. I will be laying down the law.....drama will ensue....evil side eyes will be cast....details to come!

God Bless......

And Wer'e Back!!!!

Well, Happy New Year everybody. As you can see I have renamed my blog. This was mainly because my life has gone in a different direction since this summer. Don't get it twisted....I like to laugh and about 98 percent of the things I will be writing about will pertaining to the outrageous things that go down in chuuuuuch.

This past Friday I went to my first church conference. Now, this goes down every quarter and I have always heard that it is were folk from church come and lay down their religon. Oh how true this was. The first line of business was an alarm system for the church. We have a fire alarm already we just need to add on the security feature. Call me backwards, but isn't it more likely that someone would break in versus a fire? The church is in the middle of a block that resembles "The Wire" at night. Much to my dismay....nobody wanted an alarm system...too expensive. I guess getting burglerized is too--but who's counting? But these same people that hemmed and hawed about the alarm system, where ready to throw down 1,300 dollars for....wait for it....someone to come out a spread mulch on this "strip" of garden. They can pay me 1,300 and I will spread mulch, wash windows, and mow the lawn. In short the priorities are alllllll out of wack.

I love my church, but sometimes they can be a little backward in their approach. We desperately need to move into the 21st century.

This Sunday, my fiance(love how that sounds!) is going to preach at the church he's auditioning for(I am sure "audition" is not the church term, but hey, it's the best I could come up with). He preached there the first Sunday in the month. Now, mind you because I go to church with some haters....they all forewarned us that we would hate it and the people were mean and hateful like the ones at OBMBC. Well the devil is a liar.....those people were alright to me. We even went to bible study there and though we were small in number, we had a ball! I felt comfortable asking questions. At OBMBC...ask a question if yah want to....you are gonna get the straight up evil side eye from sister such n' such.

This Tuesday I am going choir rehersal. Apparently there were some people that were in an uproar because I chose to support my finance's preaching endevor instead of singing with them. First of all, I have a good idea who said it. I will now introduce you to two characters in the choir that are constant source of trouble and at time comic relief. I will call them "Nevada" and "Ronald". Teeth are optional for both of these people(well, Nevada just got new teeth about two weeks ago). They have their periods of time where they don't go to rehersal and that is just that. But I don't come to TWO rehersals....mind you I haven't missed one since I joined....Frick and Frack are hollering all over the place. I'm coming this Tuesday and I am laying down the law. Well, I will post later. I have some work today.....I knew I was here for a reason.

Happy MLK Day!!!